Written by Daz McKinley
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Topics: Australia

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard and her partner Tim Mathieson have been evicted from The Lodge, their official residence in Canberra, after hosting a rave party that got out of control causing millions of dollars of damage.

"Me and Tim was havin' a cool time. The DJ was rackin' up the trance, electro house, drum and bass, breakbeat, dubstep and hardstyle and we had max fog blowin' (nod, nod, nod). The whole Lower House was there. Wayne and Kev was there havin' a ball in the light show. Unfortunately Kev copped a laser in his right eye and fell over the balcony, grabbin' one of me velvet curtain as he went (nod, nod, nod). The curtain caught fire on one of me fake candelabras and then all hell broke loose."

Ms Gillard went onto say, "As PM of Austraaaaaaleeea I have to say it's a fuckin' shame the party had to end so abruptly. For a minute I imagined I was in the Villawood Detention Centre with all them Illegals, burnin' the joint down (nod, nod). Unfortunately the fire was all too real and this wonderful house which has been home to so many Aussieee Prime Ministers, is now a charred ruins.

I've never been evicted in me life, Tim and me have always done runners before. But we'll get over it, the taxpayers will understand. I call it the 'dignity of eviction' (nod, nod, nod)."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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