The body of the infamous monk, preacher, Bay City Roller and adviser to the royalty of Imperial Russia, has been found by archaeologists, it was announced today.
The remains of the so-called "Mad Monk", famed for his role as counsel to the Tsarina of Russia prior to the February Revolution in 1917, and for his later work as disco mogul with the pop band Boney M, was found in a shallow grave just outside Moscow. The remains are now being examined and are due to be put on display in a special exhibit by the University of Moscow next year.
Leading pathologist Dr Andre Markharov, who conducted a post-mortem analysis of the remains, told reporters: "The body was that of a middle-aged man. He had been poisoned, shot four times, bludgeoned with a blunt object, ironed, folded neatly then drowned in a freezing river for six days. Upon recovery, the body appears to have been buried then exhumed, burned in a fire, ground down into a powder and stored in a Golden Virginia tobacco tin for over eighty years. We can therefore conclude that he is dead."
As a response, police have begun looking for anyone who may have been in the area of the Neva river in February 1917 and are appealing for witnesses.