Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Iraq, Parliament

Friday, 6 January 2006

image for Iraq outlaws Suicide Bombing

Iraqi's Parliament today made it illegal to "blow yourself up" with the intent of "blowing everyone around you" up. "We hope this new law will stop folks from blowing EVERYBODY up." Some analysts express doubts that the new law will curb suicide bombings but the Iraqi Parliament is printing up the signs and spreading the word.

One Al Jazeera reporter interviewed one up and coming young suicide bomber ..

JAZEERA -> Iraq says that it's now illegal to blow yourself up in a public place. What are your thoughts on that?

BOOM!!

Al Jazeera mourns the loss of it's reporter but does agree that outlawing suicide bombing will reduce the number of folks standing in line at Allah's gates looking for virgins, Jack Daniels and all you can eat honey mustard wings.

"We mean business people" one member of the Iraqi Parliament said. "If you blow yourself up and somehow remain alive, whatever is left of you is going to jail. "

President Bush noted that people don't kill people. Bombs kill people. Speaking to reporters he said,

"I applaud the Iraqi Parliament's attempt to reduce suicide bombings. If that law shows results I might just make it illegal to make fun of your president without just cause."

Iraqi officials are not yet sure of the punishment for blowing yourself up in a public place but guarantee that it will be swift and sure. One Iraqi official said,

"After a botched suicide bomb attempt, not much usually remains of the bomber so we have to take that into consideration. If there's nothing left but a head with a torso .. perhaps we'll PUT that head and torso in a giant mayonnaise jar filled with squiggly worms and put it on display for all the towns people to see."

The ICLU (Iraqi Civil Liberties Union) is already protesting the new law saying that it's every Iraqi's Allah given right to blow themselves up anytime, anywhere they very well please.

The Iraqi Parliament fired back with,

"The law is the law. If you don't watch yourselves we might just outlaw kidnappings and be-headings too."

Several Tikrit suicide bombers today responded to the Iraqi Parliament's reply with

BOOM!

then

BOOM again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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