Written by Daz McKinley
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Thursday, 29 September 2011

Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has lodged a patent on her nod with the Australian Patents Office.

Well known for her compulsive nodding, even when saying "No", Ms Gillard decided her nodding action can be commercialised. "There's a huge market out there for people who need to nod more effectively.",(nod, nod, nod), Ms Gillard claimed this morning during a press conference at The Lodge.

"Other policitians, film stars, public relations professionals, CEO's, gynaecologists, drug dealers and many other professionals can benefit by learning to nod like me.", (nod, nod, nod).

"I have been nodding since I was a teenager growing up in Adelaide. Early on when I accidentally nodded I noticed that men took more notice of me, which helped as I am a rather unattractive woman" Jules went onto say. "Later on, after entering politics, I found myself nodding more and more, usually to pretend I was listening to what my constituents were saying when I was actually plotting how to get to the top of the Australian Labour Pary tree. This has really worked and I perfected my nodding in around the time I was pretending not to want Kevin Rudd's job as Prime Minister, and just before I verbally stabbed him in the back.", (nod, nod, nod).

"So I say to you all, if I can nod my way to the top, anyone can do it. For this reason I have patented my nod and plan to launch a range of Julia Nod products, including nodding bath gels, a breakfast extra nodding supplement,and, most importantly, a nodding timer which prompts you to nod enthusiastically and smile whilst telling people why you are about to do exactly what you said you wouldn't do when you were running for election", (nod, nod, nod, nod, nod).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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