BEIJING - Chinese astrologers here in China's capital have announced that this year's lunar calendar year is going to be the Year of the Dog.
Dogs across all of China, Vietnam, South Korea and especially North Korea, celebrated as they were granted a one year reprieve from being served as the main course.
Additionally, employers in China are giving preference in hiring to applicants born in previous years of the dog (1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982,1994), because those particular people are reliable, loyal, obedient, easily trained, and look up to the alpha leader of their team.
Many dogs in China are planning on using their one year reprieve to get a passport and visa either to the United States or to Great Britain. Failing that, they are going to stow away on freighters heading to either of those two counties.
Fong Fong, a female dog in China of undetermined lineage said, "I hear that dogs in the United States and Great Britain have freedom, especially freedom of speech. Every time I bark here, I get beaten. And I have learned that dogs in the States or England get fed good food because people there like us. Here we only get food to fatten us up for the dinner table."
Ho Jin Lee, standing in front of Seoul's All Stamina Dog Restaurant, said "I was so moved by this Year of the Dog, that I am going to give up dog meat for one complete year."
Just as he was starting to walk away from the restaurant's window, the owner Kang Sa-Ouk, came outside and started yelling at everyone to get away from his window. "Stupid Year of Dog people...they're ruining my business," he muttered under his breath as he walked back into his restaurant.
Damian Quirky of Seoul's Animal Liberation Front chapter said, "We're going to fire bomb every dog restaurant in Seoul this year. We're also going to liberate all of the dog breeding places around this peninsula. It's too bad we can't get into North Korea. Things there are worse, but if I tried to slip across the border and were caught, I would be eaten."