Written by misha marinsky
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Topics: suicide, Baghdad

Wednesday, 4 January 2006

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MIQDADIYA - This city sixty miles north of Baghdad held its first ever funeral within a funeral.

At a funeral for Jamal al-Dawra, a suicide bomber set off his charge one minute before the primary funeral was to end. When the confusion ended, the newly dead were also buried at the scene. Fortunately, there were enough men left alive to be pallbearers for the secondary funeral.

Suicide bombings have become a growth industry in Iraq, since the fall of Saddam Hussein. After this latest bombing, shares in the Acme Fertilizer Company, which is traded on the Baghdad Stock Exchange, rose ten percent. Ahmed al-Bakka, owner of Acme said, "For 2006 we are expecting our business to be booming. The best thing about our company is that bombers of all types leave us and our employees alone."

Ibrahim Jaafari of the At Your Service All Martyr's Brigade said it was really a matter of convenience which made them choose the funeral of Salam Hussein. "There were the requisite number of mourners already there, the funeral director was close by, the hearse was parked on the side, and there were enough cars close at hand to transport who was going to be among the wounded. It was perfect timing."

In a related event, the Miqdadiya coroner's office announced the opening of the world's first twenty-four hour, seven days a week, drive through death certificate window. The town's coroner Saddam bin Saddam said, "We can even arrange to issue a death certificate twenty-four hours in advance of a person's actual death. We are making this service available because there are so many suicide bombers. All they have to do is call our office one day in advance of their planned demise, drive up to our office's window, give their name, and we'll hand them their own death certificate. They can then drive to their intended target and blow themselves up, being rest assured their relatives will know of their martyrdom. It's the least we can do to lessen, as best we can, the uncertainty of knowing who killed whom in the chaos which usually follows a suicide bombing. The families of everyone will be able to sleep restfully that night"

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