Written by DZ Wags
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Sunday, 18 September 2011

A day has passed in Paris without a single demonstration, leaving locals and commuters in a state of disbelief. No one has witnessed Paris so deserted since the day French citizens were called to defend their capital all the way back in 1940.

A Gendarme, who asked not to be named, wept as he told reporters that he was ashamed to go home to his wife and child knowing that he had not needlessly battered any of his fellow citizens, nor snubbed any pleas for directions from law-abiding tourists.

Police Chief, Roger Lecoque, released a statement urging Parisians not to forget their right to demonstrate, throw petrol bombs and torch Moroccan owned shops. He was at a loss for words to explain why today of all days, Parisians had decided to go to work and act civilly to one another. One Parisite, as they are known elsewhere in France, displayed some typical French goodwill when he agreed to attack a policeman, in order that the tear gas specially stockpiled for the day, would not go to waste. "I can no longer see," he explained, before the ambulance crew on the scene prescribed him some garlic and told him to go home.

A motorist who had parked his 1979 Renault 6 in the Bastille area, returned from a day of lounging about to find his car not only still where he'd parked it, but not on fire or upside down. "I can't believe it," he said. "I'm absolutely outraged; I left it here in the hope it would be destroyed. No insurance payout will mean I will surely have to go to work tomorrow."

He should not be so cynical, for trade unions have organised a march on Versailles to protest against today's lack of protest. Organisers have confirmed the route devised will maximize civilian and police casualties as well as ensure the utmost disruption to oublic services. When President Sarkozy was asked to comment on the days events, he replied, "I'm too drunk to care."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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