It was announced today that British Prime Minister David Cameron and French President Nicholas Sarkozy were about to take off on the next "Great Race" as each prepared
a 'diplomatic mission' to Libya to gather up the 'spoils' as both planned to land this Thursday amidst the NATO carnage and lap up all remaining oil interests!
Sarkozy was said to be urging his aides to secure the fastest method to get to the country and was heard to be screaming, "For God's sake men, stop moving at a snails pace, get me on of one of those extra International Monetary Fund planes, the one with the sexy stewardesses and the big bar that DSK used to use....there's no time to waste...the lobsters are after the prize....BASTARDS!"
Back at #10 Cameron was said to be near comatose when told he couldn't fly in one of the last remaining fighter jets. "Sorry Sir," he was told, " all available craft, all six (6), are in action in Libya, the three (3) in reserve over here have all been stripped of parts, British Air is on strike, and Richard at Virgin says he wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!"
When last heard it appears that Cameron has managed to charter a RyanAire flight with no frills, which means he'll have to carry as well as sit on his own luggage, and piss in a plastic cup. There are no guarantees he won't be put down in Somalia or Yemen if the flight crew cuts the fuel allotment a bit tight! Yet more discomfort and the 'troubles' continue for the beleaguered PM, Eh?
While chaos reigns in the country, Quaddaffy still claims to be in control, both statesmen are said to be meeting with members of the US Special Forces, although President Obama has said 'they'll be no boots on the ground in Libya while I'm president!"
In keeping with tradition, military advisors said the American Advance Team that has been in country for the past 4 months of the two day war, will meet Cameron and Sarkozy bare foot and in mufti as is the custom when covering up and offering plausible deniability for a clueless, articulate, highly educated and prevaricating professional politician.
Both will be whisked away to a secret desert retreat where the politicians will sit down under one of Quaddaffy's repatriated tents and discuss their proposals for the lucrative oil deal with representatives of the 123 ruling tribes, drink tea, pet a camel, and possibly talk about an arranged 'marriage' between the Britain / BP and France / Total S.A. 'liberation' teams.
While the outcome is uncertain, both Cameron and Sarkozy are hedging their bets.
Cameron has 2 Para on full alert in nearby Yemen, while Sarkozy has tagged the
infamous French Foreign Legion to protect their interest if things go "wrong" in the negotiations.
Both country's navies, though in sad array, are said to be refitting for possible action.
The HMS Victory has been posted off limits for tourists in Southampton as unwary blokes from the area have been reported missing from local pubs and possibly pressed into emergency services as riggers, cooks, and scullery maids, but not in a gay way.
In France the 86 gun Centaure, resurrected after a devastating fire on 4 January 1862, was seen taking on new sails and supplies while in dry dock where barnacles were being scrapped off her hull and hurriedly processed, canned and along with cases of Merlot, loaded aboard in the dead of night.
There could be yet a joker in the pack, if truth be known.
Rumours have it that US VP Joe Biden has been dispatched by President O'Bomba to make an offer to the Libyans 'they can't refuse!"
According to insiders in the Pentagon, "he's going to promise a really big F****g Bomb up their arse if they don't line up; he doesn't care what Sepp Blatter or Carla Bruni promised them!"
More as the Bangers 'n Mash, the Escargot and Mom's Apple Pie hit the fan.