McDonalds food service crew members: short, squat, pasty-faced hunchback cripples, or else goofy-toothed beanpoles with chests flatter than the counter itself. In short, not the sort of female company you want to encounter before you sink your teeth into a Big Mac.
Until now, that is.
Reports emerging from the Thai capital of Bangkok suggest that things may be looking up, after roving waster Moys Kenwood visited the Tha Phra branch of the world's most popular Filth Food outlet on Monday.
Awaiting a friend, Kenwood spotted what he later described as 'a buxom wench' striding purposefully toward him, generously offering him a burger he had neither ordered nor paid for.
Gleefully accepting the 'freebie', whilst fixing his gaze on the two 'Big Macs' mounted on the young girl's chest, the Englishman then became aware of the fullsome backside of this individual who, noticing his stare, gave him the 'wiggle of willingness' all sex maniacs recognise as a 'come on'.
Said Kenwood later:
"Her oomlaaters were magnificent! Her heeled boots made them shudder under her white tunic as she walked, and I imagined my penis between them. When she turned and flaunted her ass, I removed my cock from her cleavage, and slid it between her botty cheeks. In my mind, of course."
The 18-year-old employee in question, who wished to rename mainless, admitted acting provocatively and to giving the man a hard-on. She laughed:
"I'm lovin' it!"