Written by Morse
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Topics: Libya

Monday, 12 September 2011

image for Quaddaffy Still Tweeting: Claims Britain Full of "insufferable bastards!"
Even with all his gold and oil, Quaddaffy Says the Brits are "humping me!"

A shell shocked Muammaar Quaddafy is still alive and tweeting from somewhere in Libya
according to several of his fans who still follow him on the anti-social networking site!

In a series of 140 character rants the Libyan despot still claims he will "fight for my country with my last barrel of oil and ounce of gold" and is blaming Britain for his current 'minor difficulties!"

To summarize his complaints, he says Britain is made up of 'insufferable bastards' who had it out for him, blaming him for the region's woes whilst overlooking their own shortcomings (no pun intended.)

Quaddaffy cited Britain's recent rash of MP fraud as they 'fiddled' expenses running up taxpayer funded tabs for reconstruction of their gazebos, replacing dead gold fish that had died from inattention, and even one MP that had charged off more pairs of socks than Imelda Marcos had shoes!

He claimed the latest 'outrage' was an MP who hadn't met with his constituents since sometime in the 90's, didn't maintain an office in his represented area, and never answered the phone claiming 'it's too dangerous to meet with these *******"(slur redacted)

Quaddaffy said he was always 'a man of the people,'and when he wasn't tenting in downtown NYC, or body surfing at his lavish beach house, he was always willing to jump in his Toyota truck for a desert tour of his loving subjects.

"It's not fair," he said, "I have a little unrest in the streets and the next thing you know the infidels are bombing my arse trying to send me early to meet a few virgins if Allah can find any!

In Britain they burn, loot, pillage, rape, and even kill soccer fans while the Italians, Belgians, and Frogs stand by!

The F*****G French should have bombed THEM....BASTARDS!"

A Yorkshire lad with a lisp seemed to agree with the dictator, at least in principle.

"I dunno..he might be on to something there...my guess is if they had discovered a vast untapped source of oil under Tothill street the French would have taken some action..
it's all 'bout the oil, innit?"

Quaddaffy said the moral decay in Britain was becoming more evident everyday.
"Look at that Barcow woman with the drinking problem...wife of the Speaker of Parliament..posting pictures of herself nude in the Red Tops and on her Facebook page!
My wives all wear sheets...but at least they have been instructed to put on underwear!

That Sally woman, I wish her well, I hear she's trying to stop drinking that devil alcohol and my sources say instead of appearing 4 sheets to the wind, she's down to just one sheet..Allah only knows, next she'll be seen starkers and stone cold sober...Praise be the One!"

"Two faced infidels the Brits! When things were going well and we did the BP deal everybody over there loved me....couldn't get rid of that dumb Prince Andrew...a couple of days I could take...but a month with him hanging around and me having to supply a crumpet with every afternoon tea...it was too much I tell you!

"And that wife....$500,000 just to meet the Prince! Ha...I finally had to give him $5m just to git rid of his royal arse...the working girls finally put their foot down saying the missionary position was against their beliefs...God forgive me for saying so!"

While the rebels and NATO 'liberation" forces can't seem to put a finger on Quaddaffy's location, insiders say he his holing up in a bunker deep beneath the ground with the world's larges horde of gold bullion he bought from former PM Gordon Brown at a deep discount.

Commenting on his windfall profits from the world's biggest financial mismanagement since
Herbert Hoover, Quaddaffy said, " see...another reason they hate me...they just can't take a joke...Brown begged me to buy the gold, he even lowered his commission just so he
could get some cash to pay for the importation of more foreign workers and keep up with those EU Human Rights Edicts....and now they blame me! There's no justice!"

According to a NATO spokesman they are currently negotiating with VP Joe Biden over the purchase of at least 3 mega 'Bunker Buster" bombs from the US to help them 'turn up' the missing dictator.

According to a source imbedded DEEP in the White House, Biden allegedly told O'bomba, " this is a really big F****g deal worth millions...not only will we get the oil, but the Gold too! Now, if we can only find what we did with those big Motha's after we left Iraq
we'll be good to go for another four years...praise be the One!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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