Written by UWGB-Beek
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Topics: John Kerry

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Washington--John Kerry is really rich and not sure what he should do with all his wealth. Should he give it to the poor, find ways to get the economy going by investing it, or find creative ways to shelter his income from the evil IRS?

"I joined the Senate in 1985, as a way to get out of the house, and maybe rub elbows with other wealthy men and women. I soon found out that I could also create ways to protect my wealth, and I won't say that I passed legislation to do that, but I won't say that I didn't do that." Kerry told reporter gathered outside his office.

Sure, some of Kerry's wealth comes from marrying up, but he is quick to say the money hasn't change him.

"I don't want to say it is easy being wealthy and having to deal with the demands of a cushy government job, but every morning I get up and wish that I was average and not exceptional. I probably could spend more time sailing, if I was average." Kerry added.

John Kerry isn't sure what he will do with all his wealth, but he did say that he weathered the recession by selling a lot of ketchup.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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