Written by Nash D. Plott
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Monday, 5 September 2011

image for Hurricane Irene Victim Spells out "SOS" on Roof of KFC Franchise using Cockroaches

Baltimore, MA - An employee trapped in a KFC outlet flooded by hurricane Irene managed to alert officials by spelling out "SOS" on the roof of the building using drowned cockroaches. The employee, Ramone Concha, was rescued still wearing his work apron and peaked KFC cap.

"I was terrified," recounted Concha. "This was one of the forced evacuation areas, but we did not believe the reports and did not evacuate. When the flood waters started rising, I thought I was going to die. Then I saw the cucarachas floating on the water and washing up against the roof of the building, and made a message saying that I needed to be rescued".

The cockroaches were approximately three inches long and black in color, standing out in good contrast to the white crushed stone on the roof. When asked why he spelled "SOS" rather than "HELP", Concha replied that there were not enough cockroaches for the longer word, and that his boss would have deducted it from his wages had he used chicken pieces.

When later questioned about the cockroaches the franchise owner was fast to dissociate his business from them. "It's all from that Chinese restaurant two doors down", complained owner Frank Bertolli. "We all know how filthy those places are". Health officials appear to be less convinced. An entomologist was called in, and upon forensic examination determined that the majority of them appear to have drowned in chicken batter rather than water.

Officials have not laid charges, but claim that the incident is a "smoking gun" and have vowed to put the restaurant on a close watch. "If there is anything going on, we will not hesitate to protect the public", stated one official from the Bureau of Health. "We may be conducting a spot inspection in the near future. Since the reopening of the franchise clients have complained to us that their chicken tastes of bilge water"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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