Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 4 September 2011

image for Michele Bachmann Says That Chaz Bono Should Not Be Allowed To Appear On 'Dancing With The Stars'
Michele Bachmann when she first learned that transgendered Chaz Bono will be a contestant on 'Dancing With The Stars'

WAHOO, Nebraska - Michele Bachmann had just finished talking to a group of about 29 people at the Happy-Go-Lucky Corncob Trailer Park in the Nebraska town of Wahoo, when she was approached by a reporter for The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette.

Coquette Eucalyptus asked Bachmann what she thought about transsexual Chaz Bono being a contestant on this season's edition of Dancing With The Stars.

Bachmann shook her head and said that she has sent nine emails and seven text messages to the shows producer insisting that Bono not be allowed to participate on the dance show.

Miss E, as Eucalyptus is known, asked her why she felt that way and if her husband, the homophobic Marcus Bachmann, who has publicly stated that all gays are barbarians had influenced her in her decision.

Bachmann became upset and remarked that she has a mind of her own and that no one especially her husband Boopsie is going to tell her how to think, feel, act, or vote.

"You call your husband Boopsie?" Miss E asked giggling uncontrollably.

"Yes I do." Bachmann replied sternly continuing "Boopsie is an old family name that my husband's grandmother used to call my husband's grandfather and that his great grandfather used to call his great grandmother."

Bachmann asked if Miss Eucalyptus had a problem with that.

She grinned and said that she didn't but added that she was surprised that she and her husband's family didn't seem to think that the name "Boopsie" sounded kinda gay.

And with that Bachmann became very upset yelling that Bruce, Milton, and Sylvester may sound gay to some people but "Boopsie" does not sound at all gay and in fact it actually sounds very Gothic.

"Gothic?" Eucalyptus asked. "Dammit it woman, what part of Gothiclovakia are you talking about?"

Bachmann changed the subject and said that she will be the next occupant in the White House. Miss E laughed and told her that she may visit the White House on a tour like tens of thousands of people do each year, but that Charles "The Fat Bro" Barkley would lose 300 pounds and look anorexic before she moves into the White House.

The reporter then asked Bachmann why she had said that Chaz Bono should not be allowed to participate on Dancing With The Stars.

Bachmann rolled her eyes, took a sip from her vodka flask, and answered "Because it will only set a precedent and next we'll see gay sword swallower's appearing on America's Got Talent, diesel dykes singing on American Idol, and lipstick lesbians buying vowels on Wheel of Fortune."

Miss Eucalyptus suddenly grabbed Bachmann by her Edith Bunker hairdo but one of her security personnel quickly jumped in and made her let Bachmann's hair sprayed hair go after he threatened to taser her ass.

In a non-related story. Frankie Avalon will be starring in his 78th beach movie. Co-starring with him will be Brooklyn Decker, Audra Patridge, and Scarlett Johansson in Durango Grundyweather's 'Beach Blanket Crotch Cuddling.'

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