WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last weekend it was an ornery lady named Irene who lashed out at the East Coast. This weekend another bitch named Katia looks like she may be following in Hurricane Irene's footsteps, at least according to all of the U.S. Weather Service's different colored squiggly spaghetti plots.
And down in the former Gulf of Mexico tar pit another bag of wind and rain named Lee, or Leroy the blowhard bastard as Louisiana stand up comedian Zydeco Dupree refers to the tropical storm, is churning, hip hoping, and threatening The Big Easy (New Orleans) with possibly as much as 19½ inches of rain.
Texas is going through the worst drought in 50 years and parts of the northern part of the state are burning and look a lot like California when the Santa Ana winds hit.
State game wardens are reporting that a huge portion of the Texas rattlesnake population has high-tailed it for Oklahoma and some have even been spotted as far north as Wichita, Kansas.
An inside White House source said that he overheard President Obama and Vice-President Joe Biden talking in the White House's Dolly Madison Pastry Room about the upcoming football season, the possible NBA non-season, and how to correctly season some baby back barbecued ribs.
The unnamed source stated that he heard the president say that he did not like the fact that Hurricane Irene had messed up his vacation plans in Martha's Vineyard.
Vice-President Biden replied that the weather was so bad that he actually had to postpone his usual weekly visits to his two favorite hamburger establishments, Burger Bandit and Hank's Hippity Hoppity Hamburger Haven.
The vice-president, who loves it when the president leaves the country and leaves him in charge, suggested that maybe he should consider getting away from it all and take another vacation since he pretty much had his last one messed up by that Irene slut.
The president smiled. He told Biden that he liked the idea and asked if he wouldn't mind watching the country while he and the "First Mama" and the two little "First Kiddoes" left the country.
Biden's eyes got the size of giant marshmallows and he replied that he would not mind running the country one bit.
President Obama asked him where he suggested he should go. Biden did not miss a beat as he replied Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. He then pointed out that many celebrities love going down to Cabo because of the sunny weather, the fabulous Papaya Margaritas, and the fantastic haute cuisine which includes Hammerhead Shark Tacos, Chicken Fried Diet Enchiladas, and Cerveza (Beer) Drenched Refried Beans.
In a non-related political story. Sarah Palin was overheard telling her daughter Piper, 9, that if she does not stop insulting people on her 'One Nation Bus Tour,' she may find herself going back home to frozen Alaska. Ol' "Polar Bear Balls" told Piper that she is starting to sound like a miniature version of Kathy "The Red Cougar Bitch" Griffin.