Written by Nash D. Plott
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Wednesday, 31 August 2011

In a surprise move Michele Bachmann organized an intervention to try to "pray the Mormon out" of presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

"God ordered me to do it", stated Bachmann. "He unexpectedly called me to watch an episode of South Park in my hotel room. I learned revealing things about the Mormon church and realized that I needed to intervene for the good of America".

Romney did not find out about the intervention until it was actually in progress. "I was innocently attending a Republican fund raising dinner when all of a sudden I felt hands all over my back," he told reporters. "To my surprise it was Rep. Bachmann accompanied by her husband Marcus and three aides, all carrying Scripture and moaning audibly". Guests were alarmed when suddenly a herd of swine ran through the banquet hall and plunged into the ocean. Dick Cheney was then noticed with tears streaming down his face hugging a picture of a polar bear, at which point everyone realized that something unique had happened.

Questioned about the intervention, Bachmann was somewhat evasive, especially regarding VIce President Joe Biden who pelted out of the hall along with the swine. Biden was reportedly found floating face-down in the ocean but was successfully revived and after vomiting modest quantities of seafood bisque and rotating his head 360 degrees appeared to quickly return to his normal self.

"I am not the author of these events. I am just the humble servant", claimed Bachmann. "Romney is still in need of intervention, but as long as he keeps on clinging to falsehood there is little that we can do". Romney appears to be less confident. "The b** prayed the Mormon out of me. What kind of a woman does that? I want it back!"

The change in Romney might actually assist him in his campaign. Aides claim that Romney has developed a sudden liking for Starbucks, and to his own surprise is no longer afraid of holy water.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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