New York City -- The way history chooses to view President Barack Obama will depend not on his far left ideologies, but his undeniable alpha dog personality and extraordinary manly powers.
Earlier in the year, Obama single handedly defeated and killed the infamous Osama Bin Laden in a precision Seal Team operation carefully planned and implemented by the Great One himself. Now it appears Obama, or "Super BO" as he prefers to be called, has uncovered the mummified remains of labor kingpin Jimmy Hoffa.
During a routine search and rescue mission in hurrican ravaged New York City, Super BO lifted a 450 pound concrete piling from an underground bunker in Battery Park. After tossing the piling aside, Super BO peered inside the bunker and announced to the television crew documenting his rescue efforts, "I think I just found Jimmy Hoffa, the original super hero!" Super BO's minions pulled out a mummified corpse with cement blocks tied to it around the waist and sent it to the medical examiners office. It was confirmed through dental and DNA testing to positively be Jimmy Hoffa.
Super BO wasted little time composing a speech to be presented to a union party conference later this week. But first, he plans to fly north to Newfoundland in order to shoot and kill Tropical Depression Irene.