AUSTIN, Texas - Texas Gov. Rick Perry has asked the U.S. Department of Homeland Security for nearly $350 zillion to cover the costs he says Texas has incurred incarcerating Mexican-Americans in state prisons and county jails.
In a letter to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, Perry says the feds aren't that it's not doing enough to secure the border with Mexico and as a result, has allowed "illegal immigrants" to enter the U.S. and use taxpayer-funded resources, including the famous five-star Texas prison system.
The letter was coincidentally dated Aug. 10, three days before the Republican governor formally announced he is running for president. The suggestion that America needs another Texan president was not received well on Capitol Hill which immediately counter-billed Austin for harboring Rick Perry and for funding his electoral grandstanding with American tax dollars.
Reached after-hours Friday by phone at a strip joint, DHS spokesman Matthew Chandler said mid-lap dance he wasn't "in a position" to comment and said he could not confirm that the DHS had even received the letter, let alone found a Texan-American translator to interprete it.
The White House has sent a geography expert to Austin to explain to Perry and the all-Republican state legislature that Mexican-Americans were there before Perry, that the border moved not the people, and to suggest that Perry take his head out of his hindquarters.