Salt Lake City, Utah -- For months the federal government has been working to uncover a large scale knock-off, knock-off factory producing items inside the United States. The efforts were successful late last night in locating the facility. Operations were under way this morning to bring the owners to justice.
Deep inside an elaborate underground fallout shelter, numerous illegal immigrants from Mexico were found assembling knock-offs of popular American made items such as Nike footwear, NFL team jerseys and even General Motors automobiles.
Authorities plan to transfer the vehicle, tentatively named the Volt II, to Detroit for inspection. The vehicle apparently ran on 100% food waste and produced zero emmisions. After it was moved from the underground facility to above ground, it was test driven on the salt lake strip. Results were astounding - in speed tests, the car went from 0-60 MPH in 3.2 seconds and had a top speed of 157 MPH. Engineers from General Motors are scheduled to deconstruct the vehicle next week to learn the secrets of the Volt II.
To the surprise of investigators, the sample items the laborers were using to duplicate were actually made in China. Experts from various industries were brought in to inspect the seized articles and initial fears were confirmed - the items being duplicated were not originals, but instead Chinese duplicates.
Several of the immigrant workers fled the shelter through crude, man-made tunnels which apparently led toward Mexico, but they were quickly captured by federal agents. It is not known if the workers will face deportation or simply sent to day labor offices throughout Utah.
Utah authorities deny having any knowledge of the facility, but what remains unclear is how the shelter - buried 45 feet beneath a salt lake - was able to have running city water and electricity. It is believed the shelter was in the process of being retrofitted with solar panels above ground to supply the outfit with a new source of green energy; an effort which would have surely reduced the carbon footprint of the massive operation.
Experts from the US office of "Authentic Name Brand Respect" were brought in by jet airplanes late last night to inspect the seized items. One expert, who agreed to be called by his code name, "Agent #1", had this to say: "The sneakers and purses I inspected upon arriving indicate the operation was sophisticated enough to accurately copy the logos and brands of several high end items. However, a small inscription found on every item appeared which read, 'Made in Chinna'." He continued, "I've been to a lot of operations like this one, but never to anything so elaborate. The measures the organizers took to fraudulently copy Nike shoes was undercut by their inability to secure actual Nike shoes. Instead, the were using Chinese copies of Nike shoes. Essentially, what we found were copies of copies."
Legal experts from Washington, D.C. are expected to meet this afternoon in hopes of determining if any federal laws were violated. Since the facility was copying copies, it is unclear if any American laws were violated.
Efforts are now underway to identify how the items were being sold and how many, if any, are availble for purchase on the internet.
Chinese officials denied any involvement.