Written by UWGB-Beek
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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Washington--Paul Ryan isn't running for president because he doesn't want his beautiful hair to turn grey like Obama's did this year.

"I love my hair, and I think running for president would mean my hair might fall out or turn grey. I can't have that happen." Paul Ryan said, as he took the comb from his back pocket.

"You see this comb." Mr. Ryan held up his small comb so the reporters in the room could see it. "This comb is like Medicare and my beautiful hair is like all the free loaders that take away profits from private insures by using Medicare. I could find a bigger comb for my giant head, but that wouldn't help my message, would it?"

A reporter interrupted Mr. Ryan to ask why he wasn't running for president in 2012 and why Mr. Ryan was turning the subject back to his failed attempt to privatize Medicare?

"I was getting to the point about why I am not running for president when I saw my reflection in my comb and thought about a great way to make my point about Medicare needing to be privatized, and I can't privatize Medicare if I run for president." Mr. Ryan said.

Mr. Ryan did put his comb away, but only after he spent ten minutes combing his hair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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