Written by Jason Bourne
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Monday, 22 August 2011

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Barack Obama is an alien, he has admitted

US President Barack Obama has admitted to being an alien.

The 2006 confession was solicited from the then first-term Illinois Senator under torture at Guantanamo Bay, meaning it was not admissible under US law. But a new ruling on the rights of detainees changes that.

Torture

Judge Reynolds said the law applied only to human beings and not alien lifeforms.

It is understood Mr Obama is a half-alien, and therefore claims to qualify for human citizenship. Human laws are unclear on the matter. Republicans in the House of Congress may move to impeach.

The Dark Planet

Aliens from Mr Obama's 'home' planet, known to scientists as The Dark Planet, are understood to be sending a delegation to lobby on behalf of the President. Mr Obama was born on earth, which qualifies him for Human Rights under the Geneva Convention.

Why the aliens have heretofore kept their identity, and Mr. Obama's, a secret is not known.

The aliens are not understood to be hostile.

NASA Scientists

The Dark Planet is so named by scientists because it orbits in the shadow of the sun. It was discovered in 1957 by NASA cosmologists in Nevada.

Little is known of the Dark Planet. Michelle Obama is not an alien say White House aides, which would mean Obama's children are three-quarters human.

Election

The news comes fifteen months before the 2012 Presidential election, in which Mr Obama will seek to be the first publicly outed alien President of the United States, and the first alien to win a second term.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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