New York - Phillip Brewer, owner of the surprisingly popular Boring Television Network (BTN), has announced changes to the upcoming fall line up.
Network executives have determined Sewing Machine Wars as too exciting for the network everyone relies on to put their family asleep. Brewer stated that watching grandmotherly women pimp out their sewing machines, curse out their competitors and sew amazing jumpers for school girls was more entertainment than people really want.
Additionally, Knitting Around the World also shut down production. Viewers constantly complained that not only was the program exciting, but was also educational.
BTN plans on replacing the two exciting shows with more appropriately boring shows. Sew Like You Mean It will focus on a sewing group that will sit in a room and do nothing but sew. Brewer promises that it will be extremely boring with the only conflict coming from replacing thread.
Really Long Afghan will show two friends passionate about knitting really long blankets. While it could be argued that it would be too thrilling for some viewers, both participants on the show are world-class knitters and are said to never make mistakes. They are also famous for not talking whilethey knit.
Other popular shows in the network will continue as planned. Executives and viewers alike will be pleased with this season's Treadmill Walking with Laurie, Rocking Baby Kenneth to Sleep and Whittling with Joe Bob.