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Friday, 19 August 2011

image for MSNBC announces pending departure of star host
Maddow to Hollywood

Unassociated press just learned MSNBC star and DNC unofficial spokeswoman Rachel Maddow is leaving her lowly rated "news" show for a chance at Hollywood fame.

Rachel Maddow, the host with the most on MSNBC, told fans last night that this week's episodes will be her last. Maddow said, "I want to express my sincerest gratitude to my 13 fans for their loyal support during my rein of terror on MSNBC; however, I've decided to take the next great step in my professional life by going to Hollywood. When the producers of the upcoming remake of 'The Karate Kid' contacted me about playing Daniel-son, it was too good to pass up. I hope to one day return as a special guest host on MSNBC, if the channel is still going when my 15 minutes in Hollywood flame out. Thank you and I love each of you dearly. It has truly been a pleasure broadcasting my almost-news program to you every night!"

The production company planning to remake "The Karate Kid" could not be reached for comment, but the Unassociated Press was able to interview a sanitational engineer at the company's lot. The employee, who wished to remain anonymous said, "There has been so much talk around her about Rachel joining the cast of the show that nearly everyone quit. We understand the character created by Ralph Macchio was so epic that most employees could not wait to see who the bosses picked to play the character in the remake. However, we just felt the new actor should be a bit more feminine and we're not so sure Rachel Maddow fits the bill. But, who knows? She seems to attract a huge audience over on MSNBC; although, I personally don't know anyone who has seen the show." The employee also stated off-record that everyone is thrilled with Keith Olbermann being cast as Cobra Kai sensei, John Kreese.

The DNC was reached by phone this afternoon and a spokesperson for Debbie Washerman-Schultz had this to say: "We are very pleased for Rachel and the new direction her career is taking her. We will support her in anyway possible in this new venture. Our team is quickly planning a replacement for Rachel in the nationwide, bash-the-Republicans-in-any-way-you-can campaign. Even though our talking points are sometimes off color and largely untruthful, we feel confident some other hate speaking, overrated, biased spokesperson will become available soon."

MSNBC plans to run all the major highlights of Rachel's show for 2.5 nights next week, with heavy commercial interruption just to fill the time. Afterward, an all new series will be presented. It will closely examine the relationship between prison releasees and their probation officers. The show is tentatively title, "Set Free - Where are the Stars of 'Lockdown' Now?"

Please check back with Unassociated Press regularly for updates to this breaking story.

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