Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 19 August 2011

image for Brazen Thieves Snatch Babe The Blue Ox's Brass Balls
Where's My Balls?

BULLETIN: Police in Klamath, California reported that the statue of Babe the Blue Ox, which stands 35 feet tall, is missing its awe inspiring set of brass balls that once proudly hung from the loins of Babe, who along with Paul Bunyon, are the official hosts of the Trees of Mystery in Klamath.

With high unemployment driving desperate men and women to strip live copper wiring from power plants and steal gold plated chalices from churches to sell for cash, it was just a matter of time before someone grabbed Babe the Blue Ox's brass balls, estimated to weigh nearly two tons apiece.

With something as precious as balls, one would think that some security measures might have been in place to protect these valuable scrotal treasures, especially with brass going for the highest price in history. Perhaps they thought that the statue of Paul Bunyon would scare the miscreants off. After all, Paul stands 49 feet tall, and his ax is 25 feet long.

Anyway, all of the local pawn shops in the area were advised to be on the lookout for these purloined treasures, and it is expected that when a truck rolls up with the largest set of nuts in the world, the pawnshop owner will know they belonged to Babe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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