In a cloud of diesel smoke and a hearty "Saddle Up and Head 'em Out", Barry Obama took to the open road on his 3 day political junket in a presidential cavalcade consisting of $3m worth of custom buses and a horde of support vehicles at taxpayer expense.
In a proposed 3 state visit to 'hear the folks' Obama is only going to swing states, according to White House Press Secretary Jay Blarney (sic) to get out and see what's on taxpayer's minds.
Listed as a presidential 'fact finding mission', and therefore a trip funded by taxpayers, Obama instead has not missed an opportunity to bash Republicans and the Tea Party for his current woes now that his approval rating has fallen below 40%.
"I had the recession licked," he cried, "until those Europeans screwed everything up, the Japs couldn't control the weather, and those Arabs were running all over the place shooting up their countries, BP killed some birds and fish while Anthony Weiner couldn't keep it in his pants and off Twitter, and David Wo couldn't keep his hands to himself, not to mention those terrorist Tea Party advocates who wanted to cut spending...I mean, Woe is ME!"
The Secret Service (SS) confirmed that the traveling fortresses cost $1.1M a piece with the total not disclosed AFTER the SS made their own modifications to "conform to our security protocol, the President's personal preferences, and the First Lady's interior decorating decisions."
The blacked out buses, heavily armored and with the latest in surveillance devices and communications networks are powered by a modified 500 hp diesel engine, and is said to get about 3 mph on the highway and about .5 mph around town, about the same as a 75 foot
Hatteras Sports Fisherman powered with 2 850 HP Detroit Diesels.
The convey is being accompanied by a support fleet of over a dozen Government Motors (GM)
Cadillac Escalades with the 20 Inch Wheels, enhanced Chrome Packages, and 22 speaker Bose Sound Systems designed by Obama's favorite Rapper, Ludicrous.
Air cover is being supplied by 2 fully armed Black Hawk attack helicopters 24/7 with back up supplied by a Chinook carrying 2 squads of the elite SEAL Team 6 for reconnoissance and to provide cover in the event of a strategical retreat.
Proceeding the convoy are 3 electronically controlled Chevy Volts being used as "Mine Sweepers" and a parade float manned by volunteers throwing flowers, Obama T-Shirts and food stamps to the crowds expected to line the streets.
Obama's first stop was to be in Minnesota where the state department relocated 32,000 Somalis making it the nation's largest concentration from the dysfunctional country.
The INS and Homeland security is still looking for 22 of them who returned to Somalia after being recruited in the local mosque in order to bone up on the latest bomb making and terrorist techniques to cause chaos in the new home that offered them shelter.
If that wasn't enough local gangs named the Somali Hot Boyz, Somalia Mafia, and Madhibaas with Attitude are terrorizing there own and are believed to be responsible for at least 10 murders.
President Obama is said to be upset with native Minnesotans who have decried the State Department's decision to send 32,000 immigrants who grew up in a parched wasteland to a state that could average as much as 170 inches of snow fall, with temperatures that could drop as low as -60 in the winter.
As the weather is too extreme for most of the new residents, they stay indoors most of the time watching television, turning the heat up, praying a lot, and studying the chemical make up of various fertilizers, according to a crime report filed by local law enforcement agencies.
Attorney General Eric Holder has discounted the report as being 'racist' and is considering working with the State Department to add 25,000 Haitians, 12,000 Syrians, and 4500 Libyans, depending how many are left alive by NATO, to Minnesota's welfare roles in retaliation.
President Obama is said to be in full support of the proposed measures.
"Listen," he told his advisors, " it's about time these Minnesota people put down their guns, Bibles and religion, got off their ass and got a JOB! How else are we going to support our efforts for multiculturalism and redistribution, tell 'em to eat their
According to an insider, the State Departments is considering the application of 48,500 Turks who are petitioning for asylum since the European Union says they don't want the Buggers!