CANBERRA - At a press conference here, Australian Prime Minister John Howard was confronted by reporters over extraordinary renditions of rogue dingoes and other feral canines, to remote SPCA facilities in the Australian Outback.
Prime Minister Howard denied any knowledge of this.
Reporters continued to press him on the issue, citing independent reports of unmarked cargo airplanes being used to trans-ship rogue canines from across the globe, to Australia.
Prime Minister Howard tried to ignore these reporters, and then, in an Orwellian breach of freedom of the press, ordered them out of the press conference room.
At a Council of Foreign Relations conference on the other side of the globe, another reporter confronted former US Secretary of State Colin Powell about these extraordinary canine renditions. Mr. Powell gave a terse reply: "I don't know what the hell you're talking about."
And at a press conference in the West Wing of the White House, a reporter from the BBC World service forcefully asked current Secretary of State Condolezza Rice about these extraordinary renditions of rogue canines, and asked her what role the CIA had, especially pertaining to use of CIA cargo airplanes registered to front companies.
A bewildered looking Dr. Rice looked out at the sea of reporters, and replied "Is this a joke? If it is, would someone please let me in on it?"
In the ensuing commotion, a reporter from High Times slipped out of the pressroom into the White House proper, where he was able to confront President Bush, before being stopped by Secret Service agents. Quickly reiterating the facts about canine renditions, and the role of the CIA in them, the reporter demanded an explanation. President Bush, looking terrified, blurted out "Alright, alright - I've been drinking again. Good Lord, what did I sign that night? Where's Karl Rove?"
With that admission of signing a Presidential order, the High Times reporter sent an IM to a counterpart at the Australian Broadcasting Company. The ABC reporter then managed to find an Outback SPCA facility through a Google search, and drove his Land Rover there. Upon his arrival, he demanded to speak with the director, and was immediately ushered into the office of Robert Symthe. The ABC reporter laid out what had been uncovered up to that point, and asked the director to come clean.
Mr. Smythe, looking sympathetic, said "You've got it all backwards, mate. These dogs were abused before they got here, not afterwards."
After leaving the SPCA, the reporter went to a nearby ABC affiliate, and filed a report stating he was not allowed to tour the facility, and that during his stay there heard unabated high-pitched yowling.