Written by Michael Balton
Print this

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

image for US raids ShamWow factory in Germany 'to bring jobs back to America'

Heidelberg -- A special force of TSA agents, armed with confiscated box cutters, has successfully captured the main ShamWow factory in Germany in a midnight raid.

The attack is believed to be the first of many that will be initiated by Congress' new employment development program, called "Seize The Job."

The US force surprised the dozen or so German grandmothers who were turning out thousands of the extra absorbent towels on the factory's automated equipment. "They asked us to empty our pockets, and then they started dismantling our production line," one of the workers said.

"The equipment will be reassembled in an abandoned Plymouth factory in Detroit for American workers to use," said Congressman John Boehner (R-Ohio). "This is the first meaningful job development program to be started in the US since the premiere of American Idol."

At the conclusion of his prepared statement, Boehner began to weep uncontrollably. "These are tears of joy," he explained. "Has anybody got a ShamWow I can use?"

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-California) explained that Congress finally realized that the best way to provide jobs for unemployed Americans was to steal them from other countries.

"And I got to meet Vince, you know, the guy from the ShamWow infomercial," Pelosi added. "He's quite the picker upper."

Pres. Barack Obama, who worked with Boehner and Pelosi to develop Seize the Job, said that the program is just getting off the ground. "Watch producers in Switzerland, ball bearing facilities in Belgium, wonton kitchens in China, dung emporiums in Afghanistan, brie hives in France - these are just a few of our targets in the coming months."

The President pointed out that TSA agents are conducting the attacks because they have the capability to search themselves for contraband.

He added that no workers were harmed in the Heidelberg raid. "In fact, they seemed to enjoy the pat downs."

Make Michael Balton's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 4?

9 10 12 25
50 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more