Written by Michael Balton
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Monday, 8 August 2011

image for China warns US: pay your debt or no more iPads

Beijing -- The government of China has officially called in all of the loans it has made to the United States, and has threatened to stop production of Apple's popular iPad tablet computer if the money is not repaid immediately.

China's ultimatum has infuriated Steve Jobs. The Apple CEO emphasized that his company pays cash to the Chinese for their manufacturing and distribution of all Apple products.

"Apple has the best cash flow of any company since the invention of money," Jobs explained. "Connecting us with the deadbeats who run the US government is unfair and unjust."

China's Minister of Commerce Chen Deming acknowledged that Apple has paid all of its obligations in full and on time. "But we need something successful to hold over the American's heads until they pay up," he said. "That means targeting Apple, because everything else the Americans come up with is just so much junk."

US President Barack Obama challenged the Chinese assertions, pointing out several areas in which America is still the leader. "Okay, so we can't put a man into space anymore, but look at our cultural contributions," he said. "The Jersey Shore, Lady Gaga, American Idol -- we entertain the world and make people forget about their troubles."

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke appeared visibly shaken by the news that the production of Apple iPads could be halted. "I'm having enough trouble completing the latest level of Angry Birds without having to worry about this," he said. "I'm prepared to do anything it takes to make sure I don't have to revert to playing this game on my iPhone."

US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner pointed out that the Chinese are scheduled to get their money back. "We have them penciled in to get the returns from Quantitative Easing #136," Geithner said. "That should take place before the end of the year."

President Obama, meanwhile, vowed that the US will be looking for other lending sources, to avoid dealing with the People's Republic of China. "The trouble with borrowing from the Chinese is that as soon as you spend the money, you feel broke again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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