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Monday, 8 August 2011

image for Jackie 's Big "O"! Secret Hacking Tapes Tell How She Got Even With JFK by Shagging Around!
Say It Ain't So Jackie O! Hacked Tapes from Grave Tell Tales of Trysts!

Former First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis, has come back from the grave after it's been revealed her daughter will be releasing never before heard tapes discovered during an investigation of a monumental phone hacking scheme from 1963!

The tapes, recorded just months after President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, reportedly are from illegal wire taps placed on Jackie's rotary dial phone in her Hyannisport Home where she was allegedly in mourning for her philandering husband.

In the tapes she expresses her conviction that VP Lyndon Johnson and a cabal of rich Texas oil men were behind Kennedy's assassination, and that Lee Harvey Oswald, and early Tea Party founder, was framed for his conservative balanced budget beliefs.

She also goes into explicit detail discussing her husband's rampant sexual predatory
proclivities, including bedding a 19 year old intern (deja vu?), and leaving a pair of blue knickers in the Presidential bedroom where she discovered them after "smelling something strange."

According to the tapes, the First Lady was bent on revenge and embarked on a systematic
scheme to bed as many famous, and rich men as she could, flaunting her liaisons to the President to 'get even not to mention to get off!"

According to Jackie she embarked on a torrid romance with Hollywood He Man (in the days when Hollywood had them) William Holden in 1971 on the set of "Paris When it Sizzles", which she describes as her 'first ever Big O!"

Later she took up with an Italian Automotive Tycoon where she mentions "Bunga-Bunga" trysts taking place in the front seat of an Alfa Romeo Sypder and her misadventure with the 4 speed manual transmission during the heat of the encounter.

While some of the tapes are garbled due to loud background noise attributed to the volume being turned up on Beatle Songs including "Help,", "Hard Days Night" and "Free as a Bird" blasting in the background, it appears the First Lady might have had a close encounter with Elvis , and there are a few references to "riding the bus" with Willie Nelson and being the inspiration for his hit tune "On the Road Again!"

Whilst Piers Morgan has denied ever participating in the tapping misadventure, and claims he can't remember if he ever had an affair with the First Lady, now even the Justice Department has joined with the British Parliament seeking to know what he knew, when he knew it, and what he did with the information.

Piers claims he was born in 1965 and couldn't possibly been involved in the unfolding scandal, but authorities are having none of it.

According to Heather Mills, "The man is capable of anything...you can never believe anything he says as he's always sneaking around trying to dig up dirt...BASTARD!"

Mills, involved in her own war against Morgan over phone hacking allegations involving former husband Paul McCartney, blames Morgan for sabotaging her Nobel Prize aspirations
where she stumped (sic) against anti personal mines after she lost her leg from an explosion when she and Hilary Clinton 'came under fire whilst visiting the front lines in Bosnia."

Meanwhile, Amazon is claiming another book coup, saying they are ready to announce Tricia Nixon's new book where she claims she was adopted, and her mother Pat died a Virgin.

Ron Reagan, contacted for comment on this story, said he hadn't heard about the controversial claims and said until he researched the issues he'd prefer not to take a position either way ...at least not on the record.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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