Written by Ellie James
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Sunday, 7 August 2011

image for Winston Churchill Arrives to Save the United States from Itself
Churchill was the only person the US government voted to be an honorary US citizen.

Washington, DC - The White House, earlier today, confirmed that the ghost of Winston Churchill would take over the US Congress. Exit polls taken after the announcement conclude that Americans over the age of 40 are excited. The younger generations have no idea who Churchill is, but are ready for a change.

It is said that Churchill's ghost is up for the challenge and is ready to lead the United States into greatness once again. When the distinguished ghost was asked why he chose to come down from the peace and tranquility of Heaven to the complete shit hole that is the United States of today, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Britain is great. It's my home, but I needed a new challenge. I also hear the White House has a bowling alley. I'm hoping for an invite from the President to check that out."

Churchill hopes to restore a sense of sanity and peace in the United States. In addition to this, he is also planning on presenting President Obama with the bust of himself during his "alive" days that the President sent back to England. "Surely, it was a mistake," the ghost said.

The White House has decided that it is not above calling out ghosts from other great leaders of the past and the Chief Justices have assured them that the Constitution says nothing of ghosts, and so it's all completely legal. It is rumored that Abraham Lincoln might accept the job as Minority Whip, but as of now this cannot be confirmed by the While House or St. Peter.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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