Written by Kahfree
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Monday, 8 August 2011

image for Solar Flare to disrupt the President's and Congresses FICO credit ratings
HEPHAESTUS, God of Fire unleashes his power

Solar flares are nothing new to the world, and currently we are entering the 11 year cycle. NOAA commented that the solar peak will be in 2013, but our most recent one was massive enough to already cause damage. Scientists claim that the flare will cause disruptions to the President and members of Congress's overall credit rating. The stocks owned by the President are also poised to be downgraded to penny stock amidst nervous investors who are already worried about the economy.

President Obama currently owns stock in NT.BRN.US (A company that deals in fake birth certificates) TM4.CNG (A company that writes fake hope speeches) and finally CSTLY.HC.4.USA (A health care reform company who fakes medical bills) of which he has invested 2 trillion of his own money. All three are set to fail due to universal laws which claim that everything is affected by a person's Karma.

An official within the NOAA labs who wished to speak anonymously stated that the solar flare was pinpointed to have occurred when HEPHAESTUS, the God fire heard that the leaders in America chose to raise the national debt ceiling over 2 trillion instead of reducing spending on their own congressional housing, phone, transportation and other costs. Hephaestus sent his flare to target President Obama and congress members FICO scores.

All their scores will fall to just under 400 according to a White House official. President Obama's credit score has never dipped below 850 since its inception in 1998 and the house members have never seen it dip below 850 since its inception in 1980's.

"This is a tragic shock" said the President. "How will any of us get a loan, or even a purchase a car?" he demanded. "What happens if none of us are elected into office again? We need purchasing power when we have to live with Middle America. There has to be a solution." He stated.

The president declared a state of emergency and has asked FEMA to step in to help. However, due to the FAA debt crises and the loss of jobs there are no flights to accommodate the representatives to Washington DC.

"Those who were controlling traffic without pay have decided to vacate their positions and are picketing due to the financial crises with the FAA." said an FAA employee. "Why do we care what the presidents FICO rating is? Until the President solves our problem, flying members of congress or FEMA is his problem." He exclaimed.

The secret service is scrambling to get Air Force One on the runway to transport FEMA, but because of the solar flare, there is no way to open the hanger door without the Presidents thumb print on the security door. Currently President Obama is at the White House lacking the credit to pay the drivers of the Presidential Limo. "This is truly a nightmare!" cried Mrs. Obama.

The future of the government of the United States is debatable, but one thing is for sure, Obama will be unable to borrow money from China or any other country after filing for bankruptcy 7. While President Obama tries to solve his personal debt crisis, his wife is filing for divorce and will take the children to live with Hephaestus and become a Goddess of wealth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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