Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 8 August 2011

image for Sarah Palin Not Worried About The Mass Exodus of Tea Bag Party Members
A painting of the Boston Tea Party which hangs in the master bathroom of Sarah Palin's home in Wasilla, Alaska.

WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin has admitted privately that her Nationwide Bus Tour did not generate anywhere near the turnout that she and her campaign strategists and advisors had hoped.

She said that the media really hammered her on her lack of geographical knowledge as well as on her totally misrepresenting of what Paul Revere actually said on his famous ride.

The former governor of Alaska, who quit that job in order to star in her very own reality show, Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska said that she had gotten the information from her 9-year-old daughter Piper.

Palin confessed that apparently little Piper must have messed up pretty bad in her retelling of the Revolutionary War story and that all of the criticism that she took should have really been directed at her little daughter and not at her.

Old "Snow Plow" said that she has learned her lesson and that the next time she will not bother to ask Piper about anything and that instead she will go directly to Wikipedia or that GOP trio of individuals who know everything Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Bill O'Reilly.

Palin was asked by a reporter for The L.A. Watchdog Witnesser about the alleged mass exodus of Tea Bag Party members. Sarah smiled, shook her head, and replied "Ya know, gosh darnit. Those Tea Baggers didn't really desert my party, it's kinda more like they just left it."

Sarah, says that she is confident that all of those members will return to her party once they see how radical all of the other GOP candidates really are especially that Minnesota woman who is married to that gay basher who said that all gays are barbarians.

Palin said that she would never say that all gays are barbarians because she simply has not met all of the gays. She was quick to add that there are no gays in Alaska.

She grinned and then added, "Well if there are, then you betcha they're doing a pretty darn good job of hiding it gee willakers."

When Palin was asked what she would do if her daughter Bristol suddenly texted her and told her that she was dating a gay man.

Sarah started coughing. Her eyes lit up as she replied, "Well ya know, if Bristy was dating a gay guy then that would mean that she would have to be a lesbianite and I know Bristol and she might be a cross dresser but I don't ever see her being a lipstick lesbianite or even a diesel dyke belly bumper so that question is a moo one."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I am pretty certain that Palin meant to say moot instead of moo, but since she was probably thinking about shooting a cow the word just naturally came out moo.]

Sarah then said that she would certainly never want to see Bristol date someone like the homophobic Tracy Morgan who said that all gays should be sent to live in San Fransissyco.

In a related story. A poll conducted in Mississippi showed that Sarah Palin is now even less popular than the dreaded cotton boll weevil.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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