Written by Kahfree
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Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Salmonella ring leader, Mr. Gobbles will be tried for terrorist acts
Mr. Gobbles questiond by authorities

People are eating a healthier diet these days and have reduced the use of red meats. However, it also means increasing the use of lean meats such as fish, chicken and turkey. Since the popularity of switching hamburg meat to ground turkey, more and more turkeys have been sent to the butcher block to sacrifice their life for the health of humans. A revolt has begun and turkeys across America have banded together to reduce the amount of unnecessary deaths to their friends and family.

Mr. Gobbles was a well known and respected turkey and former resident of Kendall Square's in the Cambridge, MA, area. He now lives at a retirement center for turkeys at the Dedham refuge. Since arriving here to live out his life, Mr. Gobbles was all too aware of his friends and family who were not granted the residency pass needed to live in this 27 acre refuge. "My sister, Ms Hennypie was supposed to meet up with me in Cambridge in 2004, but something went terribly wrong and while I waited for her for 5 years at the Volpe Transportation center, she never did arrive. I finally had to accept that she too was among those who had met her fate with the ax." cried the aging Mr. Gobbles.

Since that time, Mr. Gobbles has created the secret organization called "Under- Ground Turkey" and have leased an attack so terrifying it has, unfortunately, caused sickness and in some cases, death to their human neighbors. "Our plan," said Mr. Gobbles, was to just make people sick of eating turkey, not so sick that they die. We just wanted to save the life of our friends and family."

"Scores of poults, our babies, have died as the result of people taking the babies away from their mothers and raising them for food. They lie and tell them that they are going to be pampered in a sauna, but instead they put them in heated beds under a 250 watt bulb. One Hens twins, Jake and Jenny were removed and she never saw them again. I have never met my grandchildren." sighed Gobbles.

According to Gobbles, the plan was devised in January and in February the tainted ground meats began rolling off the trucks into supermarkets of the unsuspecting humans. Mr. Gobbles stated to the associated press that they initially had their friends, the Black Spanish Turkeys, known for their calm disposition; distract the humans by making friends with them. Soon, our friends the Eastern Wild Turkeys began to fly like crazy in the pens to cause a mass confusion and that's when the Blue Slates, the turkeys who are not eaten but instead are exhibition birds, began to paraded around the meat packing plant and walking all over the unwrapped meat. The Royal Palm Turkeys kept a watchful eye to forewarn the Slates if anyone was to enter the plant.

As he continued to explain the plot, Gobbles said that even though they felt disgusted at the sight of their dead friends, they knew that the only way to get back at the humans was to just do the job. "It had to be done!" said Mr. Gobbles.

However, Mr. Gobbles regrets the damage that his brood has caused, especially since his life was saved when he was nursed back to health in 2003 after he was found injured in a bush outside Volpe.
"If we had just asked the humans to meet with us and come to an agreement, we may have been able to prevent this disaster" Gobbles exclaimed. "However, I know we can't take it back and hope that the humans will begin to find alternate foods to eat and leave our families alone." He stated.

Mr. Gobbles was arrested and will be tried for terrorist acts by the CDC and the FDA. He could be punished by death, or imprisoned for the rest of his life in solitary confinement in a cage. He will be tried by a panel of cows, pigs, and fish, and it does not look good for the verdict. Either way, Mr. Gobbles hopes he just makes it past Thanksgiving to live yet one more year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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