A dusty loner, living rough off the land while continuing to look for lost gold mines in Arizona, stumbled onto what is said to be the 'mother lode' of pork barrel spending by
amnesty loving liberal democrats.
Well camouflaged by air due to the abundant growth of highly cultivated marijuana plants, which are off limits to the DEA due to a Homeland Security edict promulgated by Janet Napilatano, the tunnel is said to be a bigger boondoggle than Massachusetts' 'Big Dig' which continues to leak after Billions were poured down the drain.
Preliminary seismic reports indicate the tunnel runs from Nogales and under Tombstone and Tucson where it ends in the Gila River Basin.
Local travelers using the hi speed tunnel for entering the US illegally, drug cartels for hauling 18 wheelers of highly concentrated drugs, and straw buyers of automatic weapons
sponsored by the ATF with the blessings of the Attorney General's office and the White House, are constantly 'coming and going' according to reports from locals who refused to be identified.
"Just outside the tunnel mouth, it looks like a ghost town," said a former resident of the area who was forced to close his road side convenience store. "Things were going great for awhile, and no one wanted to blow the whistle, but once the Department of Transportation installed those EZ Pass lanes no one had any need to stop anymore!"
According to locals the tunnel has been nick named the "DWS Through Way/ RT 69 " after Debbie Wasserman Schultz, DNC Chair and hair apparent to Ted Turner and the "mouth of the south" title.
Said local recycler Clyde Merriwhether who collects Mexican beer cans from the side of the road, "it's well named….the mouth of the tunnel is wider than it needs to be and the
shit just keeps pouring through from the border in a never ending stream!"
Nancy Pelosi said she would refer reports of the tunnel to the 'ethics committee,' Eric Holder has said the reports are just more "tea party terrorism tactics,", and Janet Napilatano released a previously recorded statement reiterating that "our borders are safer than they ever."
Joe Biden when told about the discovery just shook his head and said, "Now that's a BIG
F*****g Tunnel....Jobs...that's what it's all about, eh?"
Said Clyde, "don't quote me on this, but I'm sure I saw Osama Bin Laden on at least 3 occasions in the past on his way to go skiing in Aspen, and Whitey Bulger was a frequent flyer ducking down to Mexico to pick up his meds…couldn't miss 'em with that
Red Sox hat and that black FBI jacket he loved to wear on his Harley!"