Written by Lady Godiva
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Wednesday, 3 August 2011

image for Port Dover, Ontario. Couple arrested for having an extremely succulent green lawn
The grass in question

A Canadian couple were arrested yesterday in the small tourist town of Port Dover, Ontario, Canada.

Port Dover, is famous for its Lake Erie Perch which can be purchased at many eateries dotted around the town, and for 'Footlong Hot Dogs' which can be purchased at the Arbor, downtown Main Street.

The couple was charged with 'Possession of an extremey succulent green front lawn'.

Their neighbours came out of their air-conditioned homes to see the pair get handcuffed and taken towards a police cruiser. Although a number of them attempted to speak with the arresting officers on the couple's behalf, they were brushed aside and told THEY could be charged with 'intefering with an arrest' if they didn't shut up and stand back.

On speaking to neighbours it was ascertained that the by-laws officer had been contacted by a person living two blocks away. Apparently there is a 'watering ban' in effect and everyones' grass is scorched yellow. That is, everyone else's apart from the lush green lawn of the couple being driven away in the cruiser.

One neighbour, Ann Hetherington, a British immigrant who lives next door to the couple (also British immigrants) told reporters that the police ought not to have been so "bloody 'asty in arresting them" and went on to say, "If I find out which nosy bugger called the by-laws officer I'll be round their 'ouse to give them a bleeding Liverpool Kiss."

Apparently, the arrested couple had just had new 'sod' put down, which they had tried to explain to police whilst being handcuffed. They did, in fact, have permission to leave their sprinkler on until the new sod was 'established'. The police officers explained that they would have an opportunity to tell their side of the story when they arrived at the police station.

Another neighour, Larry Nadwodny (Canadian born) went on to say that the couple had lived 'without' grass for 12 months and everyone on the street, who had had the 'pleasure' of looking at the weed covered front yard, were extremely happy to see the landscapers arrive, albeit 12 months' late, and get the mess sorted out.

He too was angry at the person who had called the by-laws officer and vowed that the person, when found, would be facing the wrath of the neighbourhood. This sounded ominous.

Small town life can be as exciting as living in a large city. You just need to know where to look.

Hopefully, the arrested couple will have the opportunity to explain their side of the story and will be home barbequing by this evening. Meanwhile, neighbour Larry Nadwodny is looking after the lawn using his own water and sprinkler system, until the couple return.

We will keep you informed on this story as it unfolds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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