In what The New York Times and other national media are calling the greatest show of unity in America since World War 2, three million people have signed a petition demanding that all locks be changed at Congressional and Senatorial offices. The petitions directed to the Sergeant at Arms of both houses have been garnered in less than twenty-four hours and sponsors expect a total of fifteen million before the end of the week.
"The Lion will lie down with the Lamb," read the headline in the New York Post. "All races, colors, creeds, religions, and sexual orientations are joining together to "throw the bums out," read the article. MSNBC in a late night special last night showed pictures of Al Sharpton and David Duke sitting on a couch holding hands. Rachel Maddow and Michele Bachmann's husband were seen doing an Eskimo Kiss and smiling brightly. A report from Mississippi detailed a meeting of the local NAACP chapter and the White Citizens Council. As the group joined hands and sang, We Shall Overcome," a startled nation watched in awe.
In a joint press conference this morning the chairmen of the RNC and the DNC spoke under a banner that read…Give Hate a Chance. They pleaded with their constituents not to succumb to the hysteria. "Already, the banks and the health care industry are stopping payment on checks to Congressmen and Senators. This is no way to run a country," said the chairmen before hugging each other and saying they shared the other's pain.
The Washington Post in a feature article today states that most Congressman are not going home to their districts due to the "Joan of Arc Welcome Home Parties" being planned for major cities in their districts.
In other news, a source at Fox News speaking on condition of anonymity told Reuters that she had seen several of their anchors looking frightened, bewildered, and holding on to their own Asses. "Everyone is sooo confused," she stated.