Written by Asheville Jack
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Monday, 1 August 2011

image for White People File Class Action Suit against NAACP after Getting the Blues
Jimmy Burton sings "I ain't got no money so go ahead and sue me" Blues

Memphis, TN - Clevis Porter Reems, a local attorney, has filed a Class Action suit against the NAACP on behalf of millions of White folks who have recently come down with the Blues. In the suit which was recently filed in Federal Court, Mr. Reems contends that the Blues, a style of African American music, has resulted in untold misery among White people.

The suite was filed against the NAACP because Mr. Reems says he has documented proof that the NAACP was aware for decades that the Blues were depressing but that they withheld that information from the public at large.

In an affidavit filed with the suit Mr. Reems claims that after his wife took the children and left him last year he went with friends to Beal Street in Memphis to relax and have a few drinks. It was at that point, he said, that he noticed the music being played in the background made him feel lonely and depressed, adding that the NAACP knew the Blues caused people to feel down but encouraged it's playing anyways.

"On behalf of millions of White Americans who have suffered depression at the hands of this dastardly music from Hell," said Mr. Reems, "we now seek justice in the courts against the NAACP.

Clark Pearson, a spokesman for the Memphis chapter of the NAACP, when notified of the impending Class Action lawsuit was quoted as saying White musicians have made hundreds of millions of dollars off the Blues while Black musicians continue to live in poverty. "You know what makes me feel depressed?" he said, "Listening to Bing Crosby singing 'White Christmas' on the radio every year makes me feel depressed. I can't change the station fast enough. Last year I tripped over a chair trying to change the station. Now there's a real lawsuit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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