Friends of Gordon Ramsay have said that he has been left traumatised by reports that Sarah Palin is planning to host a Tea Party in a very non traditional way.
Sarah's Tea Party will be a very minimalist affair with no scones, no butter and definitely no jam. In fact, reports have suggested that there is nothing nice about Sarah's Tea Party at all, and guests have been advised to take their own sandwiches if they don't want to starve.
Gordon's friend Kier said "A Tea Party is the most caring sharing part of the day. You invite all your friends around to your garden and then they all eat lots of lovely food in a happy communal way."
But Sarah doesn't believe in communal sharing. She believes in "every man for himself" and one of her friends was heard to say, "If you want a cake, bake it yourself. We're in the business of Government, not charity"
But upon being told that some people can't bake cakes because they don't have a cooker, or a house to cook in, Sarah's friends are said to have said:
"That doesn't mean they can't still come to Sarah's party, they'll just have to eat grass instead of cake. But only if they bring their own grass. Its only fair."
Gordon is believed to have said Sarah's Tea Party is an insult to England. He has declared that every English man in America, who still values the traditions of the old world, should take to the streets with tea pots and a big basketfull of home made scones and sandwiches.
He says they then have to hand them out to complete strangers who they've never even met before to show the true meaning of the word Tea Party.
The true purpose of a Tea Party is to feed your neighbours, not leave them hungry because of cuts to the Welfare system.
Its time for nice people to reclaim the Tea Party. Lets forget about Boston. It was a long time ago, and people have evolved since then. Some have even grown a social conscience.
By Katarina Frogpond.