The new Pew public opinion polls were released today and it is not good news for members of the US Congress. In a generic poll, numbers for both political parties were lower than the public opinion of head lice! "Not good news for the re-election prospects for both parties," said a spokesman for Pew. "A deeper look into the poll indicates that most family members and friends of the Congressmen had a higher opinion of various social diseases than of their own
The poll indicated that Individual match-ups promised deep trouble for most. Michele Bachmann was running fifteen percentage points behind the Wicked Witch of the East in her own state. In Kentucky, home of the thoroughbred horse, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was seventeen points behind a match-up with a generic horse's ass.
One of the more startling results were for Congressman Eric Cantor of Virginia. When told he was twenty points behind both Judas of Iscariot and Hannibal Lechter, he scoffed with his traditional death row grin and said, "Ha, they don't even live in my district!"
In a presidential match-up, Newt Gingrich was quick to respond to the poll that showed him sixteen points behind Bozo, the Clown. Gingrich smiled smugly on hearing the results and stated, "It just shows that my campaign is on track. Bozo might be ahead in Iowa, but wait till the folks in New Hampshire hear about his views on Shania law!"