Written by Kahfree
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Sunday, 31 July 2011

image for Apple's Steve Jobs is new financial planner for the USA
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An apple a day is suppose to keep the doctor away, but in this case, maybe it can keep the government from going belly up. The founder of Apple makes more money and has more money on hand than our very own government. Steve Jobs ability to run a company and make a profit has people around the country attending rallies to make this man our financial leader. The USA reluctantly has called on Steve to become the new financial adviser for America.

"Our government has a problem with handling money and called me in to see if I can attempt to help them pull together a sound budget without cutting funds to people on Social Security" Steve Jobs said during his interview.

"My plan is to identify all leaders in our government over the age of 35 who are currently using iPhones, iPads, and iTunes. Once we have a list of users, we plan on inflating their monthly prices 1000X the normal rate. So, if their plan is currently $89.99 a month, the new plan will cost them $89,990 dollars per person; small change for government politicians." Steve stated.

Estimating that there are at least 900 users, Steve believes we can create an account worth $80,991,000.00 per month, more than enough to help the economy get back on its feet and save middle income families from further financial disaster.

"This plan will remain in effect until all current politicians are voted out of office. Hopefully this will help politicians keep their office as no one wants to see this new financial windfall disappear. It should ensure future votes for current politicians in office. This will ensure we have enough money to pay most, if not all of our debts and have money in the bank." Steve said.

"How is it that the phone usage of these leaders has never become an issue before? No one can live without their iPad and iPhone. They are a necessity, especially when they need to make calls to secret lovers, banks in Switzerland, and to their bookie! Our leaders even play angry birds while in a congressional meeting. There has to be some sort of tax on that. Why not charge more to those who abuse the games and products as a form of "tax". It would make sense that this money be given back to the US in form of a tax break to the American people." Steve finished saying.

As he began to leave and gripped the hand of President Obama to force his signature on the new law, Steve did make it clear that the President would be charged twice since he refused to give up his cell phone while in office. Blackberry has agreed, (with the help of a misuse of power from the TSA bullies and a simple threat to strip search Blackberry employees in public) to inflate the President's price to reflect that of the iPhone's proposed hike in price, but doubled.

If any leaders default on their cell phone bills, no bailout will be enacted, but they will see a cancellation of their Angry Birds app. "We have to get them where it hurts!" Said Steve Jobs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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