American financial markets are in a frenzy as the country slips into deficit.
'We can't pay you' notices have gone out to all Government employees and the country is coming to a halt as half the population stop working.
News of the disaster has spared and countries are catching colds, malaria, lung disease and worse as a result of the debacle.
Lung disease is caused by shouting too loud at the Stock Exchange, mal aria is caused by breathing fumes from speeding cars heading to an unknown destination and colds are caused by staying out all night trying to make the ends of two short stings meet.
Placards of encouragement have appeared as if from nowhere: 'Prepare to Meet thy Doom' is one. 'Tea Power' says another. The British Government is hurrying through legislation to stop all further reporting of the American fiasco. Overtures to China have been sent and Cameron is confident that he will get agreement to lock up the Opposition and declare a Communist Capitalist State of Emergency.
Joe Crumb, media analyst, claims the news will keep News International and hacking off the front pages for the foreseeable future.