Congressmen and Congresswomen loaded on buses bound for Camp David, where they will all participate in the First Annual American Twit of the Year Olympiad. They were invited to the event after failing to raise the Debt Ceiling. Since then the U.S. Dollar has fallen, the credit rating of the U.S. was lowered. Interest rates for loans have skyrocketed and the U.S. is now in a the position of asking China to co-sign new loans for funding the Pentagon.
"We have significant changes we would like to see in the U.S. Military," said Xiang Xao Tsung of the Chinese National Banking System, "For one thing we think their uniforms need a makeover to something brighter and more visible, like electric pink."
Congressman Harry Reid and John Boehner entered the chewing gum while walking through the woods where several timber rattle snakes were recently released, competition.es. Both men were bitten relatively quickly and they were negotiating over who would suck the venom out of who first. So far it appears that neither will agree, since both were bitten on the ass. Harry Reid was quoted as saying, "John,the Dr says your gonna die."
Meanwhile Steve Jobs of Apple fame is said to be making a play for buying out China's share of U.S. Debt, but in return the U.S. Government would have to switch completely over to Apple computing technology and drop IBM P.C.'s completely. A move that has sent IBM stock plummeting.
The majority of congress men and woman were entering a variety of events that fit their various personalities. Nancy Pelosi has entered the "Read My Lips You Bastard" contest, in which other contestants must guess the words she is mouthing without vocalization. The first round was rather easy phrases, such as "Kiss my ass Senator", and the common, "I think your aide is hot", but later rounds have proven more difficult with phrases like, "Guess which hand I'm holding your nuts with," and "Your not so stupid that you think my smile means I like your idea?"
These early rounds also have seen many accidents befell Tea Party members as they have failed to recognize that nobody really likes them or cares if they survive. The Rat Maze has proven too difficult as many have become trapped in a corner promising cheaper porn than they will find in the Democrat side of the maze. John Boehner, is hallucinating from his snake bite was seen running naked through the maze shouting, "Come Back Barack, I love you!"