Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for Higher Education Stymied. Police Shut Down Meth Lab at Votech School!
Look Ma, No Teeth! Dentist first to Notice Meth Abuse in W. VA School!

Police and K-9 units shut down a Charleston, W. Va industrial arts school after discovering that students, teachers, and the head administrator were running a pharmaceutical lab producing high grade Methamphetamine, (Meth.)

Attention was drawn to the school after a dental hygienist noticed that the majority of the students from the school she was treating, were down to about 7 teeth, from the normal 33, 12 if you happen to be from Arkansas.

Reports from a local dermatologist seemed to confirm something was not right at the school, as he found he was treating an abnormal proportion of the students, not to mention the middle aged Superintendent, for an outbreak of 'monstrous zits!"

The authorities were finally able to obtain a search warrant after a routine canvas of Drug Stores in 6 surrounding states indicated that the students and some of the faculty had signed for and had delivered 3 tons of Sudafed tablets in recent months, a main ingredient of the home cooked potion.

Despite it being an especially bad allergy season in West (by God) Virginia, law enforcement officials determined that there were enough tablets for the entire county, and most of Western Kentucky and Arkansas, including all the live stock, a supposition that
allowed the judge to reluctantly sign a search warrant.

Descending on the school the task force discovered traces of the drug in the air ducts, in the hallways, in the cafeteria, the superintendent's office and even on the handles of the School's laboratory which was unfortunately destroyed by a sudden explosion and fire shortly after the investigating units pulled up in the parking lot.

Members of the county school board say they were 'shocked' at the findings. Recent test scores at the school had shown a 250% improvement , even more impressive than those reported in the Atlanta, GA school district, which resulted in more federal funding, and impressive cash achievement awards for the educators.

Parents of the students said they were blindsided by the revelations. Said one, "Jimmie Joe was walkin' around the house like a zombie for the past couple of months, but I just thought it was part of growing up....but now that you mention it, I haven't seen him smile for awhile, either, and he hasn't had a date since he broke out with them Zits!"

Charlie Sheen was unavailable to comment on this story prior to press time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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