Written by rfreed
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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

image for North Dakota Has Its Statehood Voided Due To Historic Errror- Canada Seizes It.
Listen you Kanuck jackass! Git offen my property!

A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state. John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at the time of it's founding never took the oaths of office necessary to give North Dakota statehood. Due to the states wealth of minerals, shale oil, natural gas, abundant land space and its proximity to the rest of the US it has become a highly desired object of attainment by international powers. Russia, Saudi Arabia, China are all claiming it for the oil wealth with China also casting a covetous eye on its vast empty landscape as a warehouse for its all too abundant population. England is claiming it as retribution for the states it lost in the Revolutionary war, although North Dakota at that time was just a twinkling in the American Founders eyes.

While the other countries are bickering over its sovereignty rights, Canada, its next door neighbor, has sent in troops and snagged it for themselves. The entire border of the state is entrenched with Canadian Mounties sweating profusely in the hot summer Dakotan weather. With Canada being the most experienced country for dealing with shale oil they feel they could develop the industry better than anyone else.

The United States meanwhile is steamily denying the loss of one of its smallest, yet most stalwart states. Before the unsettling discovery, North Dakota was the only state not in the throes of recession, that had more jobs than it could fill, and had a bright economic future.

How does North Dakota feel about all this? Let's just look to N.D. Senator Baylin Haye for a comment- "Fer years we bin jest a passover state fer not only planes but cars and trains too. Even hitchhikers wouldn't stop here. We were just one notch over West Virginia for yokel jokes made about us. Jest look at cinematic history. There in the whole time of movies bein' made only two was about us- that dumb ass Fargo that made us look like a bunch of serial killers and most of that was filmed in Minnesota, and that Hitchcock one where Cary Grant gets chased around by the crop dustin' plane. Its 'bout time we hit the big time. If Canada wants us, they can have us. At least we'll get some respect there!"

In retaliation, both Bush the Second and former VP Dick Cheney has recommended bombing Toronto, but Obama is hesitant about starting another war, especially on our own border.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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