The Peoples Bank of China (PBOC), the country's central bank, and holder of most of the US debt, today sent shock waves through the international monetary system when it called the mortgage loan on The White House, downgraded US Treasury bonds to 'junk' status, and raised the interest rate on the Obama family's credit card debt to 29.5% due to continuing late monthly minimum payments.
China's lead forensic accountant, Hhu Nhu, said he was horrified when he started digging into the Obama's personal finances including unprecedented holidays, millions of miles logged on Air Force 1, lavish White House expenditures in the kitchen and on stock in the wine cellar, not to mention the Obama kids addiction to expensive Iphone apps and Sony Play Station games!
Said Nhu, "at this rate, with penalties and interest, Obama will be repaying $500m on an outstanding balance of $150M....I don't think it's humanly possible, but Hhu am I to question his ability to repay...I just work with people's unlucky numbers!"
Obama has been in the White House for barely 3 years, but federal bankers with intimate knowledge of the country's finances said that Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner had refinanced the pile 4 times, to approximately 8 times it's real worth to cover the families growing expenses.
"This is what happens when you give NINJA loans" said austerity maven Sarah Palin,
"Obama's the perfect example, No Income, No Job, and No Verification of his History, Financial or otherwise!"
Former Senate Banking Chairman, now retired to Hollywood representing the liberal movie industry, Chris Dodd, and former House banking Chairman Barney Frank, (D,Gay,MA) pushed back strongly.
Said Frank, "without these loans, a lot of minorities, including President Obama, would never have been able to afford a house. Their ability to repay loans is beside the point,
everyone in America should have their own home, whether they deserve it or not!"
According to sources in Chicago, an attorney for the President is negotiating a short sale scenario with a local lender on his $1.8M mansion in the suburbs, which according to a
realtor survey is now worth just $235K since Rahm Emanuel, Obama's former chief of staff became Mayor.
China is said to be considering all it's options.
One scenario is the White House will be dismantled and moved to Beijing as a tourist attraction, and that all of the Government Motors (GM) and Chrysler manufacturing plants will also be stripped and sent to the homeland to cover China's investment in Obama's
Said Nhu, 'we'll probably take GM, they're selling a lot of Cadillac Escalades over here, but as for Chrysler, they can have it, nothing but a bunch of pot heads and alkies putting that stuff together."
The comments followed the second time in 10 months that Chrysler union workers were seen toking up and imbibing during 'breaks' and their 'lunch' hours, and follows a recent recall of 250,000 trucks due to complaints of interior leather packages 'smelling like
a beer fart."