As news of the hacking of proctologist's offices across the globe hit the airwaves late last night, even hard boiled newsmen were shocked and disgusted. "This trash media has just gone to far" said a spokesman for the National Enquirer. "Our society is in the gutter!"
After the FBI raided the offices of Rupert Murdoch in Los Angeles last night, a picture began to emerge of the scale of the operation. Evidently, a Murdoch tabloid had hacked into proctologist's exam rooms all over the globe! Hidden cameras, unknown to the doctors or the patients filmed the exams in their totality, however it is suspected that in some cases knowledge by either the doctors or members of their staff were involved.
First reports are that the enterprise was well under way and business plans drown up for the promotion of the operation. It was tagged; "Operation Bulls Eye" by the staff at Fox News and the marketing plan was extensive. With thousands of pictures of the rich and famous, the Murdock organization had a multi-level plan which included sales on EBay, TV promotions, and the licensing of the product to manufacturers of specialty coffee mugs, t-shirts, greeting cards, and wall posters. Internal memos indicate signed copies would be auctioned on EBay for tens of thousands of dollars and records indicate Fox was also in contact with Time Magazine to change the cover picture for their Person of the Year issue.
While many in the world of fame and celebrity were outraged by the news, not all were willing to speak on the record. Internal memos show that many were ordering additional copies for their own use. One recently resigned Congressman from New York ordered a thousand copies of his exam room picture for his 2011 Christmas cards and a current US Congressman from Massachusetts ordered two thousand copies for his constituents. Records also show Fox has contacted thousands of ordinary people about their own exam room pictures. A flyer reads, "Make Your Anus Famous! Join thousands of others who want to make a difference!"
Even the President spoke of his outrage. "This is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard of," said the President. "On the other hand, like the Purple Cow, I'd rather see than be one!"
In related news, Charlie Sheen is reportedly planning a national picture signing tour of Barnes & Nobel book stores later this year.
In other news, The Tea Party Caucus in a rare split with Fox News is suing the network for stealing it's logo for the 2012 GOP convention. A Tea Party spokesman stated, "Using the exam room picture of Gov. Chris Christie showed that we are indeed, a big tent party. Fox has infringed upon our ability to show our best side to the country!"