Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Eric Cantor

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Congressman Eric Cantor called a press conference this morning, looked angrily at the assembled journalists and shouted, "I am NOT a Pissant!"

As the journalists looked at each other in surprise and bewilderment, Cantor continued, "AND, I am not an asshole or a twerp, or an obnoxious adolescent! I am also am NOT a greedy vulture that sells his government bonds short and then sabotages the meetings to help make the country solvent.

"And, I am NOT, for those of you who understand, a schlep, a putz, or a mumza!"

He started to exit leaving a bewildered press corps. He turned back suddenly and added, "And, I am NOT some kind of Judas waiting to stab my good friend Speaker of the House John Boehner in the back so I can steal his job!"

A reporter called out, "Mr. Congressman, in all due respect, some of us are wondering why you called this press conference. You have told us what you are NOT; can you tell us what you ARE?"

Cantor looking puzzled replied curtly before abruptly leaving the podium, "I'll get back to you!"

*Pissant" a is an epithet for an inconsequential, irrelevant, or worthless person, especially one who is irritating or contemptible out of proportion to his or her significance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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