Written by Zachary Estle
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Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Pokemon actually discovered
American discover pokemon.

Shocking news discovered by American scientists today, the existence of Pokemon. The reason that they have remained unknown to America and virtually all the world with the exception of Japan, has been due to a massive Japanese cover-up, with the Japanese wanting to keep such amazing creatures for their own amusement.

It's amazing they have hidden it from global view for so long with the technology out today. The Japanese government has known of the existence of pokemon for some time now. Through carbon-dating however, scientists tested a helix fossil and discovered it to be anywhere between three-thousand to five-thousand years old, and assume that the fossil was of an early pokemon. If this is true, than Japan is likely to have known about it the whole time but is keeping a tight lip on the subject.

This is a dream come true for many of our readers, as it now makes there childhood, no doubt full of presumed wasted time watching cartoons of pokemon and playing games of pokemon and collecting cards and then battling said pokemon cards. An entire generation literally wasted on these (previously thought) fake monsters. Now it will all become useful for more than just socialization.

The American government immediately set out to create laws regarding the creatures. With rednecks still on the around, they may try to kill the pokemon on hunting trips and "cook 'em on up". This would be a terrible thing to do to such a new and great finding. The government is establishing a guide for handling the animals. With some that breath fire and control electricity now on the in our country, no small detail can be overlooked

Something that must also be noted, those guidelines are for safety only. For those who would like the honor of training pokemon must go through a complicated system of forms for registration. Though it is a complex and lengthy process, many are lining up for it. It seems everyone is part of this pokemon craze. The lines are out the door of all registration hot-spots around the country. On top of this they do not appear to be getting any shorter any time soon, as anybody as young as ten can raise as many as six pokemon at a time unsupervised.

Now, if you want to get in on the 'poke-action', then go to your local DMV or post office to register. Registering to be a pokemon trainer allows you to catch and train wild pokemon. To do this just buy pokeballs to store the pokemon you catch. Now if your wondering how Americans can catch pokemon if they live in Japan, it's because the U.S. is working quickly to bring them to America for safari's where the trainer can catch them, these will be called safari zones. However use caution, just because the pokemon are there, does not mean that they are trained or in any way not wild.

To those of you with poke-fever, good luck on your journey. Your very own pokemon adventure awaits.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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