Washington DC: Long painful discussions between Democratic and Republican negotiators have reached common ground on restructuring Medicare to reduce costs without sacrificing medical care for senior citizens.
The president called HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius and TSA Administrator John Pistole to inform them that both their agencies must cooperate to achieve the desired cost reductions to specific areas of Medicare. HHS will provide the medical advice and personnel training while TSA will provide electronic assets and the necessary personnel.
The cost savings are based on the premise that senior citizens travel a lot by air. Regular breast, lung and heart checkups will utilize TSA's full body scanners. TSA invasive pat down procedures will be utilized to check testicular, prostrate and breast health. Participating senior citizens will be implanted with a computer chip for record keeping purposes.
Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and DNC Chairman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) are enthusiastic about this new concept stating "once senior citizens try it, they will love it!"
Authors Note: Thanks to all the late night comics and stand up comedians.