Written by mikewadestr
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Thursday, 7 July 2011

image for People want to know: Just who is US Presidential Candidate, Freddy the Frog?

Still leading the Non-Associated Press (NAP) polls by a huge margin, people are asking: "Just who is US Presidential candidate Freddy the Frog".

Freddy the Frog is a bullfrog who was hatched from a 'clutch' of eggs along with 22,000 of his brothers and sisters in the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal in Washington DC. Today, only 832 of his brothers and sisters are still alive.

Like all bullfrogs, Freddy and his siblings were immediately abandoned after his mother laid all of them into a 'clutch' and named them all Bubba Croaker. Apparently all bull frogs are named Bubba Croaker because it is easier than coming up with 22,000 different names, and most of them will be long dead before they reach adult hood, anyway.

So what's the point in naming them all?

Needless to say, Freddy and his siblings never met their mother or father, at least not knowingly so.

News Update: It appears that Freddy the Frog has only 827 siblings remaining. Three of them got eaten by a couple of Blue Catfish while the other two ended up losing their lives in an illegal game of 'pitching'.

Freddy the Frog had his name legally changed from Bubba Croaker to Freddy the Frog shortly after he reached adulthood. Freddy was ambitious and wanted to separate himself from other frogs. He wasn't about to go through life sitting on lily pads, logs and mud, eating bugs, swimming in the water, hopping around and being oblivious to getting eaten by any animal, fish or person that was way bigger than him.

It is quite obvious that all people are way bigger than Freddy. Leastways, as far as I can tell.

Freddy's early childhood or tadpole stage, consisted of swimming around the C&O Canal with hundreds of thousands of other Bubba Croakers looking for food while at the same time trying not to be someone else's food. He spent a good deal of time watching his fellow tadpoles being eaten.

Hell, as long as it was one of them and not him he did not have a problem with it.

This was an obvious clue that Freddy was cut out to be a politician.

News update: Freddy has just lost five more of his siblings who ended up getting the 'chop' from a flat bottom boat propeller. He now has only 822 siblings left.

Freddy's youth consisted of swimming around the C&O Canal, hopping into the C&O Canal, eating bugs and trying not to be someone else's food and watching other frogs being eaten.

Life as a youth wasn't a hell of whole lot better than life as a tadpole.

Actually, when you come to think of it, Freddy spent a good deal of his life running and swimming like hell from anything that was big enough to eat him. But, then again, would you honestly expect anything else? After all, he is a god damn frog!

This is the first part of a two part series about the life of US Presidential candidate, Freddy the Frog.

Next: How Freddy the Frog became so full of cotton, as well as being full of himself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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