Written by jd Balderdash
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Sunday, 27 November 2005

image for Donald Rumsfeld announces Iraqi Troop Pullout
"Rumsfeld applauds himself over the good news"

(MSNBC) Donald Rumsfeld in a surprise announcement told Meet The Press's Tim Russert that our troops in Iraq are coming home in December. 2038. Russert, a bit startled by the announcement asked Rumsfeld, "Why so long?" to which Rumsfeld replied,

"To announce the pullout? Well Tim I didn't want to get everyone's hopes up until we had this thing nailed down", adding ..

"In fact if things go as planned we'll have them out of there well before NASA lands astronauts on Mars in 2036."

In a press conference President Bush backed up Rumsfeld, confirming that our troops were indeed at last finally coming home, telling reporters,

"The great thing about out troops staying over there another third of a century is that, by the time they get home they won't be simply brave young kids defending our country anymore but wise, mature, fine outstanding middle aged American men and women."

One young Marine stationed outside of Baghdad told reporters,

"I don't mind staying here until 2038. I love defending America but, at least, one day, I'll finally get to see my baby daughter. In 2038. Even if she's grown a bit by then."

Tim Russert asked Rumsfeld why our troops couldn't come home .. tomorrow. Rumsfeld told Russert ..

"Tim? Tim? Lol ! Tim you're joking right? Tim?"

NBC cut to a commercial break returning to find Rumsfeld still going ..

"Tim? You're such a kidder, that's why I love your show. Anyway, even though I might be, 33 years from now technically .. dead, I've already commissioned a fleet of anti-gravity powered X-15 saucers to greet our troops in my name in 2038 assuming that our .. I, .. uh .. Tim? I think I've said too much here national security-wise. Can you strike that last remark and cut to another commercial?".

Russert cut to a Huggies commercial.

Cindy Sheehan, currently camped outside President Bush's front door at his Crawford Texas ranch remarked,

"33 years? Our men and women have to stay over there 33 more years?"

Sources say that President Bush peeked outside his front door like the Groundhog day groundhog and replied,

"Yep", then popped back to tend to his "bbq'ing".

Tim Russert concluded his interview with Rumsfeld by closing with ..

"Mr Rumsfeld. What happens AFTER we pull our troops out of Iraq in 2038?"

Rumsfeld replied,

"We've won the war Tim. Finally, after a third of century fighting, we've won .. the war."

Russert cut to another Huggies commercial. Only this time, did not return.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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